hello rover

sometimes i think i'm stupid. i'm sure other people think i am. i'm still learning stuff i should have learnt when i was 5 years old! but, better late than never. like today, i finally learned how to be more assertive. if i don't let all the students in the class know that i know that the bell doesn't ring for 5 minutes yet, they all try to tell me it rang 5 minutes ago. the students certainly think i'm stupid. but once i let them all know at the same time that i know the bell doesn't ring for another 5 minutes and that you can't fool me that easy, then they suddenly back off. it seems that i have never made a habit of externalising all my thoughts so that other people know what i'm thinking. i've never thought it necessary, half of what i think turns out to be wrong or stupid anyway, so why bother telling everyone at the top of my voice about it? well, now i know why everyone does externalise all their thoughts to whoever happens to be nearby. in some way it establishes a social boundary, and the thoughts that you choose to vocally emit determine the sort of boundary that you create around you. in a classroom you need to be careful to emit thoughts that convey authority and a position of control (especially with yr 9's) and expectations of good behaviour. in other social situations there will be other thoughts that you should emit to fit into the surroundings, and different thoughts to filter out. i usually filter out just about everything except necesseties. that doesn't work as a teacher. i've got to create a new filter for my brain that passes such thoughts as 'stop that now, it's annoying me and everyone around you', but still stops thoughts such as 'shut the hell up, you're shitting me'. it's going to take a bit of fine tuning.